Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize