I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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