So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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