from now on my penis is your penis
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
