if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize