he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
