i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
