what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
