well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize