I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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