I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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