im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
