I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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