Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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