everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
