Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
