I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
