are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
