hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
