I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
