Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
as a side note pls kill me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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