Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
