I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
