my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
