I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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