What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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