Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
