We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
