That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
