He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He passed out mid-signature
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My feet surprised me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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