Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
