so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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