I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
