So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
