oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
