He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
