dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
