i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
