Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize