It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
