Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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