i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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