well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
