i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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