dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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