Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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