would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
