Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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