And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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