I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
