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My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
