Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
