Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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