He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
