i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize