i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize