I'm going to jail i love you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
