i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
