her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
