Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
