my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize