I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
