she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
