and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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