i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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