Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
