is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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