Got a toothbrush?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
