I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
