This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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