Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
