Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
