Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
